Because I was adament about breastfeeding, I was determined to make it work. I knew it could be difficult, requires a lot of patience, time, and work. However, by the second day at home I had a newborn that was screaming for hours. Not a sad cry, but a SCREAM, like FEED ME NOW! I was trying to breastfeed, but Emilie screamed at the breast and wouldn't latch on, like she had easily done in the hospital. I was so confused as to why she would be perfectly fine in the hospital, then at home she was inconsolable. Worried that my milk hadn't come in I tried taking hot showers, drinking beer and trying to hand express to get things moving. Nothing.
Jared and I finally caved and gave Emilie a bottle of formula, which broke my heart, but I knew I had to feed my baby. To all first time moms, even if you want to breastfeed, having a little formula handy was a lifesaver in the beginning. However, we still had a baby that wasn't making dirty diapers, and was so lethargic we couldn't even wake her to eat even though it had been 6 hours since she last ate. Worried that our little girl wasn't acting herself we made a trip to the ped's office.
Emilie was running a slight fever, and was still sleeping through changing her diaper, and being examined at the doctor's office. The pediatrician suggested we go to the Children's Hospital ER to run some tests since Emilie had a fever. Terrified, we brought our little 5 day old into the ER. Doctors and nurses quickly filled our room and began running tests for possible infections. Since newborns aren't able to fight anything off, this was a serious situation.
It was agonizing watching our baby being poked and hearing her scream. Because she was so dehydrated her blood was thick and not easy to collect. An IV was eventually put in a vein in Emilie's head, so she had this IV coming out of her head with a big plastic cover to protect it. In addition to being poked in every possible place the nurses could get blood, Emilie also received a spinal tap to check for meningitis. This was definitely the hardest part and we couldn't be there to comfort our baby, we just had to watch as she screamed and the doctor poked her. Blood and urine were tested, but the results aren't available until 48 hrs, so Emilie was admitted to the Children's Hospital to receive antibiotics in the event that she did have an infection.
We were back yet again in the hospital, this time with the fear that Emilie could have an infection that may threaten her life. Fortunately, Jared and I could stay with Emilie, which meant never leaving her side. Her tiny body was hooked up to the IV's and monitors while she was placed in this giant crib with gates. She was so tiny and so innocent and we felt like stupid parents for being in that position. I felt terrible for dehydrating my baby because I was so stubborn about breastfeeding and was so naive about what to expect in the beginning.
I don't think Jared or I have cried that much before, or been that worried and scared in our lives. Just sitting around in a hospital room waiting for test results was torture. Seeing Emilie in that crib, and having nurses run vitals every couple hours was exhausting. Jared obsessively watched the monitors for Emilie's heartbeat and O2 stats. Her heartbeat frequently dipped and the monitor would flash red and start beeping. Fortunately, her heartbeat would go back up, but it made it that much harder to rest and relax.
I continued to try breastfeeding and met with several nurses and lactation consultants for help. I was still learning how to hold my baby, how to latch her on and how to position her, but was also met with the challenges of maneuvering her so that all the cords and IV's didn't pull or tangle. I had to set an alarm for when Emilie needed to eat as she wasn't waking up on her own and needed to eat every 2-3 hours. We also supplemented with formula, and I started pumping to tell my body, "Come on, I need to feed this baby!"
Jared and I are so blessed to have such wonderful, supportive parents and family. My Mom stayed and watched Emilie so Jared and I could take a break from the hospital room and get something to eat. Jared's Mom drove all the way from Florida to be with us. Our Dads and Grandparents came to visit, and we had people from all over the world praying for our little family.
Emilie really started to turn around after being on fluids. She was making plenty of dirty diapers, was so much more alert, and was breastfeeding. She even had her first bath, which our awesome nurse helped us with. After 48 hrs, all the tests came back negative, praise the Lord, and we were cleared to go home. Jared bought Emilie a little welcome home outfit and hat. The cords and IV's were removed, Emilie was dressed and we were sent off with a huge bag of baby necessities like diapers, wipes, thermometers, etc.
It felt so good to be home, again, with our little Emilie. We are so blessed to have a healthy, happy baby. Although we're still learning, and making first time parent mistakes, we have our alert, precious baby home safe. We don't ever want to see the Children's Hospital again. My heart goes out to parents who have to experience having their child(ren) in a hospital, for any length of time.
We didn't take any pictures of Emilie in the Children's Hospital, until the day we left. We didn't want to look back and remember the feeling of seeing our little girl in pain.
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